How Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual youth practitioners can challenge heteronormativity.
“All my life I was subjected to indoctrination of how to be a heterosexual. It never worked on me” (Stephen Fry, 2013).
We live in a world where heterosexism is the dominant culture and although things are improving for the British Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) community in relation to their rights, homophobic bullying is rife amid our youth. “55 per cent of lesbian, gay and bisexual young people experience homophobic bullying in Britain’s schools” (Stonewall, The School Report, 2012). But homophobia doesn’t just occur in schools, it happens in the streets, in youth clubs, via mobile phones and social networking sites and for some it even happens in their own homes. This blog highlights how being an out LGB youth worker can both support young LGB people and challenge homophobia and the heteronormative attitudes of the young people and the practitioners we work with.
Adolescence can be a very stressful time for young people. The development from child to adult is a complex journey. During this important time young people are figuring out who they are and how they ‘fit’ within the society in which they are born, they are forming their individual identities and part of that process is discovering their sexual orientation. Young LGB people have more to contend with at this developmental stage compared to their heterosexual counterparts, as they are growing up in a society where heteronormativity is embraced and heterosexuality is assumed. This can lead to young LGB people feeling that being themselves is not an option and many attempt to hide their sexuality to avoid prejudice, discrimination, bullying and even violence.
‘Coming out’ is an incredibly tough thing to do regardless of age. It is difficult because we live within a world where heteronormativity exists and is the dominant discourse. Heteronormativity is the “way[s] in which heterosexual privilege is woven into the fabric of social life pervasively and insidiously ordering everyday existence” (Jackson, 2006, p.108). Young LGB people are growing up in a society in which being anything other than heterosexual is perceived as different, deviant, not the ‘norm’ and in some cases even wrong, immoral or sinful.
Sadly for many LGB youth the first place they experience homophobia is within the family home. Often before parents are aware their child is homosexual they can unintentionally cause them emotional distress by making assumptions about their sexuality, “assumed heterosexuality may be the single most pervasive and quietly damaging practice of all” (Croteau and Lark, 1995, p.476). In assuming their child’s sexual orientation, expressing disapproval in relation to homosexuality and exhibiting homophobic attitudes, parents can cause young people to feel distressed, hurt, unwanted and unloved.
Youth workers (both heterosexual and LGB) must ensure that they foster environments in which LGB youth feel safe. They can do this by encouraging young people to question or deconstruct societal norms and educate them on their rights and responsibilities. However before they can do that, youth workers need to develop their own understanding of the issues LGB people face and how they can then lead the way for young people in challenging heteronormativity.
To come out or not come out? That is the question.
An except from my reflective youth work journal:
Back in 2008 I had been working as a full time youth worker in the same centre for four years. One summer I went on holiday with my girlfriend and on my return to work a young person asked me if I had had a nice holiday, I replied, “yes thank you it was lovely”. She then asked where I went and I told her Greece. We proceeded to have a conversation about travelling and how she wanted to see the world. Then she asked me a question I didn’t know how to answer. She asked me who I went on holiday with. Despite the fact this was a very simple question, and one that I had undoubtedly asked her in the past, I froze. A million things flashed through my mind. Do I come out to her? Is this the right time? Do I lie to her? Would she believe me if I lied? Would she tell all the other young people? How will me being gay impact on our relationship? If the other young people find out what will happen? What if she tells her parents I’m a gay worker? What if they are homophobic? I wasn’t prepared for this question and was very nervous in answering it.
Situations like these require careful consideration from youth practitioners. Being unprepared for the young person’s question required me to think and act very quickly and, although part of a youth worker’s role is to react to situations or conversations as they arise and use those moments to informally educate, the issue with this particular moment was that it involved me revealing personal and private information. It essentially meant making a very quick decision about whether to come out as a lesbian or not. Coming out is usually a very considered decision not something one does on the spot. What should we do as youth workers in a situation like this? The young person asked a question most people would ask and one the majority of heterosexual youth workers wouldn’t think twice about answering. In order to deal with the situation I had to make a choice. Either I make myself vulnerable and come out or lie to the young person and stay within my safe rainbow bubble. On this occasion I opted for the easy way out and told the girl I went away with a ‘close friend’. Immediately after the incident I felt like I’d made a mistake but I justified my decision by telling myself “it wasn’t necessarily a lie as my partner is also a very good friend”. It didn’t take long, however, for me to reflect and realise that I had not only wasted a good opportunity to educate a young person around sexuality and challenge heteronormativity, but I had also lied to a young person. More importantly, I had hidden a part of my identity which was precious to me from a young person I respected and I had denied the loving relationship I was in. This did not sit well with me.
The incident made me consider my relationships with young people and how much of myself I should or shouldn’t give. In avoiding telling the young person I was gay I was hiding an element of who I really was, which is something we advise young people against. How can we, as youth workers, expect young people to be truthful, honest and open when we don’t always do the same? It is important to note that, “young people are no different from adults in the sense that they only share their hopes and fears with people they trust” (Young, 1999, p.65). Why would they trust a worker that avoids being open? We should remember that, “our work depends on being trusted and having the courage to act accordingly to our principles” (Jeffs & Smith, 2005, p.107). It is vital that youth workers know what their values and principles are, where they come from and how they impact on the way they work. My values and principles came into question when I was making my speedy decision to come out or not. There was a side of me that wanted to be honest and open with the young person. However, the other side was concerned with how it might impact negatively on our relationship and possibly lead to problems with the wider group or even the local community.
Even as adults with firm grasps of our values, it can be hard to come out. When disclosing their sexual orientation, LGB youth workers are required to make personal, ethical considerations about how coming out, or not coming out, will impact on themselves and the young people they work with. They have to assess the risks in coming out for their own personal safety and emotional well-being, as well as how it will impact the welfare of the group. For example, for gay youth workers, working with young people who are brought up to believe that homosexuality is sinful, immoral and should not be tolerated the decision to come out (or not) will require especially careful consideration. Some cultural and religious groups encompass moral codes that conflict strongly with the idea of homosexuality and, as a consequence, people who embrace that particular belief are likely to be averse to a worker’s attempts to offer alternative viewpoints to young people. Complex situations like this are likely to push and pull at our differing values and principles and it is important for youth workers to maintain their professionalism when faced with challenging views and attitudes. ‘Coming out’ in a situation like this has the potential to cause a range of issues. It can trigger clashes within the group. It can lead to problems for the young people at home due to their shifting views. It could even result in closure of the youth provision. It is important to acknowledge that for any young people within a group like this, who are quietly struggling with their sexual identity, all of this has the potential to further exacerbate their anxieties. Working with groups who have strongly negative views of homosexuality can be a significant challenge for LGB workers as it may also mean they are faced with homophobia. LGB youth workers are required to strike a balance between being authentic and ensuring that the group they are working with can continue. This is something that our heterosexual colleagues do not have to navigate and requires a great deal of sensitivity and emotional intelligence.
All youth workers (heterosexual and LGB) have a duty of care in terms of safeguarding and a responsibility to challenge homophobia. In fact, when heterosexual workers challenge it some would argue it sends a stronger message. However, there is one thing that an LGB youth worker can do that heterosexual workers cannot, and that is come out as lesbian, gay or bisexual. This is a tremendously powerful thing to do, “coming out directly challenges the prejudice that causes so much pain and suffering to sexual minority people. For this reason coming out remains one of the most effective ways of bringing about change in social attitudes” (Baird, 2004, p.87), it can make such a positive difference to many young LGB people’s lives. Just having the presence of a youth professional from the same community as them can be a massive relief. LGB youth workers can act as role models, their openness means that LGB young people attending a youth club won’t feel so alone or isolated. For them, knowing a gay youth worker and one they respect is invaluable. Knowing someone who truly understands the issues they face, as they too have lived it, is empowering. Having someone to confide in and talk through their feelings with is important and supports them in coming to terms with and celebrating their own sexuality.
Coming out as an LGB youth worker also has the potential to benefit the heterosexual young people they work with, particularly those who display homophobic attitudes. It is much harder for intolerant young people to demonstrate prejudice towards the LGB community when one of their favourite youth workers is ‘one of them’. Knowing an ‘out’ LGB youth worker can challenge young people’s attitudes and potentially change their negative thinking and behaviour towards the gay community.
Societal change starts with small steps:
Youth work has an informal educational focus. It supports young people with their personal development and journey to adulthood as well as setting out to create societal change and making a positive difference for all oppressed minority groups. I would suggest that one way in which an LGB youth worker can challenge homophobia and heteronormativity is through being brave enough to come out and have those hard conversations, deal with those awkward silences, take on those heated debates, answer all those offensive questions and challenge those negative attitudes. If we want a world free of homophobia, we need to fight for it.
I am not suggesting for one second that all lesbian, gay and bisexual youth workers should immediately leap out of their closets clutching rainbow flags! What I am suggesting is that they should acknowledge their potential power and influence and use it to educate. To be clear it is the choice of the LGB youth practitioner to come out or not, it is solely their decision. However one thing an LGB worker might need to consider is that if a young person asks you whether you are gay or who you went on holiday with, you need to be prepared and know exactly how you will answer this question.
Academic References from this blog:
Baird, Vanessa. (2004) Sex Love and Homophobia. London: Amnesty International UK.
Croteau, J. M., & Lark, J. S. (1995). A qualitative investigation of biased and exemplary student affairs practice concerning lesbian, gay, and bisexual issues. Journal of College Student Development, 36, 472-482.
Fry, Stephen in BBC documentary out there (2013) BBC 2, 16 October.
Stonewall (2012) The School Report: The experience of gay young people in Britain’s schools. London: Stonewall.
Jackson, S. (2006). Gender, Sexuality and heterosexuality: The complexity (and limits) of heteronormativity. Feminist Theory, 7 (1), 105-21.
Jefffs, Tony & Smith, Mark. K. (2005) Informal Education: Conversation Democracy and Learning. Revised edn. Nottingham: Educational Heretics Press.
Young, Kerry. (1999) The Art of Youth Work. Lyme Regis: Russell House Publishing.
